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Life update

May 6th, 2012 (12:48 pm)

Working full time and going to school nights and weekends.
Completely in love with ray, hoping to move in together by years end.
Ray got a new job as a financial executive for a third party logistics company (so grown)
Been working out nearly every day (treadmill, weighted jump rope, working my bis and tris with 10 pound weights and ab work outs) and doing my best to eat right

I just think I have to look for a new job. Although I just got a promotion, I kinda hate it and absolutely dread going to work every morning.

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Writer's Block: Hey Mr. DJ, keep playing this song…

September 12th, 2011 (08:28 pm)

country

What music lifts you up when you’re feeling down?

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(no subject)

June 5th, 2011 (08:20 pm)

my pink bunny with glow in the dark stars. i still sleep with her every night and my boyfriend understands that if were watching a movie and im not cuddling with him, im cuddling with her. PS im 21.

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ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

May 15th, 2011 (05:07 pm)


EVEN MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND THINKS IM FUCKING FAT. I CANT FUCKING STAND THIS ANYMORE. WHEN THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN? WHO AM I? WHERE DID MY SELF CONTROL GO? I USED TO GO ALL DAY WITHOUT EATING. IM GOING TO THE GYM EVERY FUCKING DAY, I DONT GIVE A FUCK WHAT IS GOING ON, WHO NEEDS ME OR HOW CRAPPY I FEEL. I AM GOING. SLIM FAST AND SALAD ALL DAY EVERY FUCKING DAY. IM GETTING DIET PILLS AND GIVING UP DRINKING AND IM GONNA DROP THIS EXTRA FUCKING WEIGHT AND MORE. AND THEN WE'LL SEE WHAT EVERYONE HAS GOT TO FUCKING SAY TO ME. I WONT STOP UNTIL PEOPLE ARE WORRIED. SERIOUSLY FUCKING WORRIED.

/end rant


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(no subject)

May 11th, 2011 (05:46 pm)

still feel fat a lot of the time. trying to be better at eating and going to the gym. im just so tired and my back and neck ALWAYS hurt.
 

also, there have been a few instances where i look at a pretty girl in a cute outfit and i say, that would look better on me...shes too thin.


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fuq

April 20th, 2011 (05:53 pm)

im sick of being jealous of other girls.

im gonna go to italy some day.
(im watching eat pray love....its not so bad)
why is my heart beating so fast? i have to go to the gym. i have to pee. i have to get out of this bed.

im a little sick of myself right now. i have $4,000 in the bank, its nice. i want to move in with my boyfriend. i want a puppy. i want a vacation! i want to sleep until noon, with my breatherright strip on my nose, in rays arms.
 

ok im going to use the bathroom, paint my nails, go to the gym, shower, eat dinner, smoke pot, watch hockey, drink beer, lay around, kiss, laugh, watch tv, go to bed, wake up, go to work (maybe) ................................GOD WHO AM I

goodbye

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Writer's Block: Teenage dream

April 7th, 2011 (05:12 pm)

If you arrived at your front door and saw your first love standing there, what would you do or say?

hey baby want some dinner??

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Writer's Block: The kindness of strangers

February 23rd, 2011 (05:42 pm)

If someone insults you when you're walking down the street, what do you do?


i dont realize that they've insulted me until im too far away and its been too long to do anything about it.

i dont stop thinking about it for the next 2-3 days and think of things i could have said back to them and wonder if what they said was true, or if anyone else thinks the same thing about me.


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(no subject)

February 12th, 2011 (10:48 am)


ive been dieting and exercising since january 23 and have i lost one fucking pound?

NO.

what the fuck

and i have no energy so i fall asleep on my boyfriend every night because all we do is fucking sit in his dark basement and watch tv.
and he gets mad at me and says im pushing him away.
im so done with everything


FUCK


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(no subject)

December 18th, 2010 (06:32 pm)


so ive started to exercise..nothing too crazy though. i walk all day every day at work pushing people in wheelchairs but that hasnt been enough. i may get a gym membership or something because i love the elliptical but dont own one.

i ran at the school track on saturday, went on the treadmill tuesday (half hour), wednesday (hour) and thursday (half hour). and most days at work i do the hand bike but only for like 10 minutes because i dont have that much time or privacy.

ive been stretching, working out my abs a little and calf dips (?) idk if thats what theyre officially called but that pretty much describes what im doing.

so obviously along with working out ive been much more aware of what im eating and its starting to worry ray. he went to taco bell the other day and brought me a HUGE soda and i was like great im going to drink all the calories i just burned off!!

well, anyway im cutting out a lot of meat (i went three days without it). eating yogurt for breakfast every morning, salad and soup for lunch and sometimes vegetables (depending on what theyre serving at the cafe at my job). i just want to add more fruit and salad.

if i dont start to lose weight soon im going to get some sort of diet pills, but im going to buy them at a vitamin / health food store and make sure theyre right for me. i want to lose 10-15 pounds and just be healthy.
 

im sick of this battle, losing the weight and then gaining it back and starting it over again. i want a healthy lifestyle where i dont have to THINK and PLAN about eating healthier or force myself to exercise, i want it to be second nature.

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